Dear Clarke,

Posted: August 2, 2013 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

It’s not me, it’s you.

I am writing this letter to you to tell you it’s over. I know I’ve said that before, but this time I mean it. By the time you read this, I will have blocked you on twitter on both my accounts. I will have politely asked Marc(k) Bergevin to never include you in the LOBNHL magazine ever again. I can’t ask people not to talk to you, I’m not Gary Bettman after all, but I will ask that people never mention you again to me. The reason for this?

You are a dip shit.

Plain and simple. I want you to know that on one hand you should applaud yourself for making me go to this extreme. You certainly don’t have much else to cheer about in life (Have you bought any milk lately?), but at least you will have this one final feather in your cap: you pissed me off.

It takes a lot to get me angry. Sure, I get frustrated a lot, but as commissioner, it doesn’t do the league any favors if I go off on a tangent and yell at people. I’ve wanted to yell a couple of times, but at the end of the day, I take a reasoned approach to everything because that’s just the right thing to do. I do that with everything in life, in fact. It’s not often you will see me get into heated exchanges with people online because I always try and take the higher road. I know people can get upset. I know people can get reactionary. That is why I always try and have reasoned conversations with people and I always talk to them the next day because I always want to give the benefit of the doubt.

You however, have officially burned all of your bridges. Repeatedly. You then dropped your trousers (trousers is another word for pants by the way, I know sometimes two syllable words throw you off), took a dump all over the bridges, and the burnt them again.

You did this by being a disingenuous little prick. You attack the league, you attack me, and then I hear from people that you want back in the league. That you regret how things went down. Then you go and open up your stupid mouth and every day assure me that I did the right thing in firing you.

The straw that broke the camels back for me (that’s a metaphor. Geezus, I don’t think I have the word space to explain what a metaphor is to you. It’s like a movie in your head describing something else? Still too difficult? Probably. I’ll just dangle my keys for a while so you get distracted and move past this) was when you DM’d Dallas and tried to get him to admit that I exploit the game.

I would love anyone to come forth and say I try and exploit the game. I freely admit going to high percentage areas to score. I stick by what I said, though, and that is that I always try and mix it up. I don’t try and do one move over and over again. In tight games I might use Gaborik a lot for that spinning move, cut to the slot, but if that’s exploiting, I would love to know where all my Cup finals trophies are? If I’m exploiting, I am surely doing a very shitty job of it.

So the very day, THE VERY DAY I hear from multiple people that you regret what happened and that you want back in LOB, this is what you do? You once again disrespect the league? Are you a fucking idiot? Wyatt will be notified.

The sad part is you like the league. You must like it a lot to not let it go. You were a good GM. You know the game well. You would have been a GM still had you not been a stupid dumb little shit. However, you’re like a little symbiotic plague now.  Latched onto my league. Trying to pretend you are a part of it. Yet still taking shots at it. You have the weirdest love/hate relationship I have ever seen with this league. Please, get a girl to touch your naughty bits. I feel you really need this.

The worst part about this all is that I know you love the attention. I know that if you can’t be in the league, you love having people say your name and still talk about you. It makes you a part of the league in a way. This is why I will do my best to erase you from this league forever more. I will never mention you again. I will never talk about you again. I will never talk to you again.

I hope you start your own NHL 14 League. I hope it takes off and becomes a success. I mostly hope you leave my league alone.

So, in closing, one last time….

 

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