Archive for July, 2013

Rest in peace, Jamie McGinn

Posted: July 23, 2013 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

San Jose Sharks v Anaheim Ducks

 

Born: August 5th, 1988

Died: July 19th, 2013

We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a gentle soul. Jame McGinn has passed on from the LOBNHL world, and we want to extend our condolences to his St. Louis family.

Jamie “Vinegar” McGinn was a beloved and respected player in the LOB hockey league, one who had built up his skills far higher than anyone had anticipated. Once thought of as “that piece of shit? Why would I trade Kulikov for that guy?”, McGinn spent the off-season training, doing steroids, training, and doing more steroids, to be come a formidable 84ov force. With that massive increase in skill, many thought a star spot in the top 6 of the Blues was in order, but alas it was not meant to be.

Rumors first began to swirl that the Blues didn’t have room to meet his salary demands at the start of the 2nd off-season. People were confused as McGinn seemed like a perfect fit to ride shotgun with the Twins, however GM Gfulmore77 was quoted as saying “Why would I want McGinn in my top 6? He’s a perfect third liner, plus I already promised Lupul that top spot, and what Lupul wants, Lupul gets. Otherwise he gets very hitty.”

Angered by McGinn’s contract demands, Gfulmore77 entered into a game of chicken with the restricted free agent. Many people thought this was crazy, as LOBNHL is well known as a place where “Bryan Little Money” can be tossed around at will, crippling the salary structures of teams league wide.

“Yeah, Bryan Little Money was my idea” explained Montreal GM Marc “the K is silent” Bergevin. “I make a shit ton of money selling t-shirts to people, so I always have some extra cash to spend. If I want to give it to Bryan Little, that’s up to me, ok?? Ryan Miller Money was v 2.0 of this idea. It’s just like Bryan Little Money, except I added several years to it. Next year I plan on having Jiri Tlusty Money, which is where I just give my franchise over to him and retire. I don’t plan well.”

As luck would have it for McGinn, “Bryan Little Money” began pouring in during the off-season. Cole “Not Winnipeg” Columbus was claimed to have said “I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING CAP SPACE, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT” but alas blew his wad on Steve Downie before he could get to McGinn. Dale Tallon of Florida was said to offer “$55 and a hamburger because that’s all the room I have on my salary cap. Also, I’m going to need that hamburger back, he’s my 4th line center.”

McGinn was excited about his future, excited about being a top star, excited about playing hockey. Then his agent signed an offer sheet. It was with Montreal.

“He was devastated” said Henrik Sedin, a former teammate of McGinn. He stopped coming to our sex parties, where me and Daniel would dress up as each other and swap wives, and have McGinn film it. That was the first sign that he wasn’t happy. He loved filming us. I am noticeably hard just thinking about it right now.”

“He told me he’d rather die than play for Montreal. I think his agent made a mistake” explained Daniel Sedin, another former teammate. “Ah shit, Henrik has an erection, which means I get one too. Stupid twin powers.”

“I would never have let him hit free agency. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was first in the league?” screamed former GM Clarkey, to nobody in particular.

McGinn failed to show up for training camp and didn’t report for the first week of the season. His body has not yet been recovered, but rumors swirl that his corpse is floating somewhere in St. Louis. Other rumors persist that he simply took the Kovalchuk way out, and “retired” and is now playing in the KHL.

Regardless, it is a sad day in LOBNHL, so raise your glasses and have a toast to St. McGinn. May god have mercy on his soul.

 

The league is considering retiring his number league wide. We will update you when more information becomes available.

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The “Colorado” Style

Posted: July 22, 2013 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

So there has been some growing discontent that seems to be gaining momentum in LOBNHL, which is based on the way people play the game. It started last season and has built up steam to where people are now just angrily tweeting about what they view as a “BS” way to play the game. The style in question is Colorado’s soft rebounds for goals style.

Let’s all agree we all know the high percentage plays. They are:

– Toe drags

– Breakaways

– Low shot from wing for rebound

– Shots up high and in close (goalie cheats, leaves room up top)

– Cutting across middle, shooting top corner other way

To a lesser extent

– Feeding the puck to a d-man shooting with an inside handed stick for a one timer

 

I have done every single one of these (even the dreaded toe drag, I accidentally did one against Tampa in the playoffs, but I pulled my goalie to even it up, don’t worry) strategies. They are high percentage plays and 80% of the time you face an opponent who uses high percentage plays against you. It becomes a “if you can’t beat them join them” mentality to be honest. It’s not the greatest way to play, but I can’t really enforce people to play “real hockey”.

For the record, I do have to say Dave is the most fun to play against because he plays the most like real hockey. So kudos to Dave for that.

That being said, I have two thoughts on the “Colorado” way of playing. On one hand, I find the idea of using the low rebound shot fine, because like everything in the game (toe drags unnaturally high success rate is why it’s banned, even if you defend it well), everything can be reasonably defended against.

Take my series against the Flyers this year. I used that to generate some goals, then he started covering down low, and that play no longer worked at a high rate, despite his claims that “it works every time.” He then went on to beat Colorado, the king of this play, despite the idea that “it works every time.” Is it annoying to people? Sure. But it can be defended.

The Flyers using high speed players to generate breakaways to score an easy goal is no different to me then using any of the high percentage plays. It’s sanctimonious to pretend your preferred style of scoring on high percentage plays is somehow morally better than another persons. So on that hand, I find it disheartening to see people attacking people for using a play they themselves might not use.

THAT BEING SAID, I also don’t like it when players only do one style of play, the entire game. So I can understand if a team is frustrated if some dude just tries one thing over and over and over again. That is a boring way to play, that is a tedious way to play, and that makes for very boring games. If you at least mix up your high percentage plays, at least the game has more variety, and the game flows better. Sure you can defend a certain play if a guy uses it over and over again, but I can understand how that isn’t really a fun way to play.

The problem is of course I can’t tell people how to play the game. There is a reason I rarely blow out my opponents because when I have a lead, I rarely try high percentage plays, I try and do hockey plays, because at least it’s more fun that way. Others might not follow suit and a lot of times people just play to win. If I kicked people out for playing a certain way because someone complained about they played, 50% of you would be kicked out of the league (I have a laundry list of complaints over the last two seasons.)

My end point to all of this is that I hope people mix it up a bit and try using a variety of strategies in a game, and try and have fun with it. I won’t be kicking any GM’s, so try and respect your fellow GM’s a bit more on twitter if you could, screaming about their “BS” won’t do much except create needless tension. There is no way to police a league to the point of making sure people play a certain style all the time, so just try and have fun.

Mix it up! Have some fun. Do what you can to enjoy our last season of NHL 13 boys!

*toe drags out of post*

 

Season 3 – Free Agency

Posted: July 19, 2013 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

OK, I just want to list the rules here so we all know where we stand. This is our second go around, so there won’t be as many mistakes forgiven, as we should all know how this works. So here are some random rules for you to keep in mind:

– All RFA’s are open for business. No more protecting any RFA’s like last year

– Any RFA offer sheets that involve draft picks going the other way WILL BE transferred to NHL 14. This is of course up to you guys to remember, I will not be policing it.

– The only thing I want to avoid is a reckless offer that has no repercussions for handing out money like a Glen Sather. Basically if you’re doing a deal, like a 14 million offer to grab some 83ov guy that you plan on carrying over, DM me about it first. The reason being it’s against the spirit of the league for you to snag some dude from free agency this year on an absurd deal and not have to deal with that contract in NHL 14. Yes, you might have the cap space, but I want it to be reasonable, and not a case of you shirking the system because you know that contract goes away in a season, yet you’ll still keep the player.

As it stands now, if you do do a deal that is batshit insane, that should have salary implications for your team next year but won’t due to the transfer from NHL 13 to 14, you will not be able to carry that player over to NHL 14, it’s that simple. Again, though, if you have any questions, DM on twitter.

– It is EA so mistakes will probably be made, and if so, please let me know so we can figure out a best case solution to your situation

– If EA has already screwed you over, please let me know if you will be doing anything out of the ordinary in order to fix it. ie in Florida’s case, I believe he is signing free agents for the teams who currently have players that should be on his team (but EA didn’t put trade through for some reason) who no longer have the cap space that they should

– Any deals you make for draft picks for NHL 14, you will have to keep track of. It’s too much of a mess for me to track, so make sure you are on top of it. You should DM me about it, though, if you do a trade that involves them so I am aware of it.

That’s about it. Other than that, sign away, and good luck boys.