GM One on one: CBJ [PS3]

Posted: September 19, 2012 by Phuong Pham in Uncategorized

I was cornered by Columbus GM Justin and forced to interview him. What follows is an interview I expect no one to read.

“Introduce yourself, who are you and what qualifies you to be a general manager in the NHL?”

First of all, I’d like to thank you for the interview. We usually don’t get media in Columbus unless the roller derby team is playing. Speaking of which, I am also the GM of the Columbus Roller Kings, if you want some free tickets. That’s how I swung this gig – after they fired Howson, I was the next most qualified guy in town.

“What was your reaction to being award the Columbus franchise?”

Well, after looking through our prospects, our arena, and everything else, I was really excited to get Rick Nash. Then I realized Howson traded him. I was also pretty stoked to ride the zamboni. Ever been on one? It’s a lot of fun.

“So, Columbus kind of sucks eh?”

Well, I think you could look down our lineup and point to a few guys that are poised to make a difference. With the addition of Seguin out of Boston and Neil from Pittsburgh, we’ve had more talent in town than in years. Turns out no one wanted to play here because they had to hang out with Howson and compliment his haircut on the weekends.

“hmm … so, how are you going to make the team not suck?”

I think we’re really going to focus on the defensive side of the puck. This team has been historically weak on defense, but with Karlsson anchoring our D line and a new coaching staff, I think we can really shore it up this year and make a push for the playoffs.

“Are there any truth to the rumours that Scott Howson is still employed with the franchise as your Assistant GM?”

Well, he kind of hangs around the office six days a week. We gave him a cubicle and the title “Assistant to the GM’s Assistant” so take that for what its worth.

“Why did you agree to stay in the league after you were awarded Columbus? I would have just quit and worked at McDonalds.”

Well, Commissioner Wyatt called me and insisted that I stay. He offered signed pictures of Cody Hodgson, and one doesn’t turn that down too lightly. Plus, it keeps me busy when I’m not at the roller rink!

“Are you going to get rid of that cannon any time soon? Can I have it if you do?”

The Cannon is really the only tradition we have here other than mediocrity. That said, it broke and is out for repairs. If you want to pick up the cost of repairing it, it’s all yours.

“I’m sorry but I don’t really have any other questions, my last 4 questions are just going to be statements about how much I think Columbus sucks.”

Oh, well, have at it then.

“Columbus sucks.”

Totally warranted.

“Really, they do.”

I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.

“Columbus is literally, the butt of the NHL”

Ah, here’s Scott now. Scott, be a dear and escort this gentleman outside. That’s a good boy.


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