Dr. Recchi hired as LoBNHL’s league doctor

Posted: September 19, 2012 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

Vancouver, BC

September 18th, 2012

In a surprise move today, the LoBNHL announced that it had appointed a league doctor to oversee all injuries for the league. Dr. Recchi, not often thought of as a friend to Vancouver, was thought to be an odd choice for a league that is mainly based in Vancouver.

“Well that’s where people have to realize, this is a business, and business comes first” explained a slightly drunk Commissioner Wyatt. “Do I hate Rech…Dr. Recchi? Of course I do. Do I wish I could elbow drop his face out of his rectum? You betcha. Do I write fan fiction of ruining his life slowly and surely over a three year period? Who doesn’t do that. But at the end of the day, Dr. Recchi is a name brand, and he brings star power to this league. We are lucky to have him.”

When asked why the league even needs a head doctor, Wyatt came quickly to Dr. Recchi’s defence. “Look, people whine to me about turning off injuries, as if I have some sort of magical power to do so. As if this is some sort of video game where I can just go switch a flip, and BAM, we have no injuries anymore. Well I have news for you guys, life doesn’t work that way. Here’s the deal, though, with Dr. Recchi at the helm, I bet you reported injuries will drop across the league by half. Dr. Recchi assures me most of the players in this league are a bunch of pussies milking the system. I think people will be pleased with his work.

Dr. Recchi was not at the press conference, but did release an official statement.

“For those of you morons in Vancouver who can actually read, I am here to announce how pleased I am to be the league doctor of LoBNHL. Nothing warms my heart more than telling people to suck it up and get back out there. It will take broken bones sticking out of your body, with blood gushing from your eyes, before I even begin to think about making you sit a game. Buckle up bitches, you’re about to become men. Dr. Recchi style. OK wait, that sounded kind of bad. Let’s just say I’m about to make things hard in the locker rooms. Oh god that was even worse. OK ok, let’s just say, that I can’t wait to strip you guys down, and expose you….ah fuck.”

More on this as it develops

  1. Commissioner Pham says:

    I was not made aware of this move thus I will make a move of my own out of spite.

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