Ovechkin on the move? [Xbox]

Posted: September 15, 2012 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

Breaking reports are flooding in that disgruntled superstar Alex Ovechkin may be on the move from the last place Rangers team. #WOW #BREAKINGNEWS #CONFIRMED.

I phoned up GM CJ of the Rangers (We talk every 10 minutes. Because I’m an insider.) and he was very coy about the potential trade. “Let’s just say that the red threat is something I take very seriously. Others may think communism is dead, but that’s what they want you to think. The minute I let my guard down, BOOM, all of a sudden my team is a bunch of pinkos, sharing money and spitting on the ashes of capitalism. You’d be a fool to think I’d let that happen on my watch. A FOOL.”

For his part, Ovechkin has been attached to many incidents in this early season. One team mate of Ovechkin’s confirms that not all is sunny behind the scenes. “We’d go out for food and we’d all get a Big Mac meal, right? But Ovie? He’d super size that shit. We’d go to the movies and we’d all bring in our own candy, because shit’s expensive. But Ovie? Fucking large popcorn. Motherfucker bought a large popcorn. And the worst part? He’d only have a couple of bite of it. We’d ask if we could have some and he’d scream no at us, and would then just start pouring the popcorn on the two girls he had with him demanding that they dance for him. Paulina Gretzky is a good dancer, but she doesn’t need popcorn all over her. That’s just disrespectful.”

As for teams interested in Ovie? Pittsburgh appears to be the front runners, as Big Byfuglien has not impressed GM Dane so far this season. “He’s slow…..oh my god he is so slow… I didn’t think a human could be that slow on skates. And the food, my god. He eats so much. Half my teams budget goes to feeding him. I can’t….I can’t afford this….” sobbed Dane.

Another rumor has the Edmonton Oilers making a trade of Giroux for Ovechkin as well. “Claude Giroux is the cover athlete of NHL 13. Edmonton doesn’t deserve the honor of having that player on their team. I plan on trading Giroux to fix this.” said GM Mitch of the Oilers. A gun may or may not have been pointed at him from off camera, being held by GM Wyatt.

More rumors as they come!


LOBB Insiderr

  1. CJ Coffin says:

    Last place??? It’s early in the season. Does this need to be pointed out

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