League Rules: Part deuce [Xbox][PS3]

Posted: September 13, 2012 by Phuong Pham in Uncategorized

“Our league owner, Wyatt Arndt, says he’s about ‘fun’ and ‘promoting the spirit of hockey’ but then he goes on to spend his money on an all-gold hockey stadium and attempts to write it off as a travelling expense. Who does that? Maybe he should focus more on his golden showers and less on his golden tears. Not to mention he only put in enough work to make up rules for only half the league. What about the other half Arndt? Are you going to try to write them off as a travelling expense as well? I’m not trying to throw any rocks at any glasses houses, I’m a general manager as well but I put my money into creating a revolutionary experience for the fans that come to the game so I can charge ridiculous amounts for tickets, that’s where the real moneys are but I digress. I’m here to finish the job our league owner didn’t because I’m a commissioner of the people! So without further ado, here are the rest of the rules for our league.”

With that Commissioner Pham unveiled a giant white screen that rolled over the exterior of the Flyers stadium with the rest of the league rules projected onto the screen. (Revolutionary fan experience, am I right?) Highlights of the rules include:

– Any Bruins GM must ice a team of at least 10 grinders and tough guys at all times.

– Any Sabres GM must sign 1 middle-tier free agent to a big contract after one good season.

– Any Hurricanes GM must trade for ‘Connect 4″; Eric, Jordan, Marc and Jared Staal.

– Any Blackhawks GM may not sign or trade for any goalie rated at or above an 80 OVR and 4 of their bottom 6 players must be rated no higher than a 70 OVR.

– Any Avalanche GM must sign Peter Forsberg to a 1-year contract and play him in one game. Every year.

– Any Stars GM that makes the playoffs will be fired.

– Any Red Wings GM must have an average team age of 38.

– Tout GM Canadiens doivent parler uniquement français.

– Any Predators GM is allowed to bring over one Russian player on the last year of their entry-level contract a few weeks before the start of the playoffs.

– Any Devils GM must sign 1 big name free agent to a $100 M – 10 year contract then file for bankruptcy and lose their team captain to free agency the following season.

– Any Senators GM … are there any Senators GMs?

– Any Flyers GM must sign at least 2 players to long term contracts and then trade them away shortly after signing.

– Any Sharks GM must never make the Stanley Cup Finals.

– Any Blues GM must sit in the corner and cry that Brett Hull was not added as an NHL legend. Maybe next year.

– Any Jets GM must partake in the “Feed the Byfuglien” mini-game during the offseason. There is no way to lose the game.

The full list has been completed and yes, this is an interesting start to the inaugural LOB NHL season.

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