League Rules [Xbox] [PS3]

Posted: September 11, 2012 by Wyatt Arndt in Uncategorized

In order to promote realism, League Owner Wyatt Arndt has come up with several rules that he will be enforcing throughout the inauguration season of LOB NHL. Standing in front of his newly built all gold stadium in Buffalo, with gold seats that have gold towels on them so you can wipe away your gold tears when Buffalo loses, Commish Wyatt addressed the crowd of well over 10 people to discuss the latest league news.

“We’re all here to have fun, but we also want to make sure we are promoting the spirit of hockey. We don’t want crazy things to happen, like the Islanders winning cups, or for the Flames to have sensible contracts. That would just take away from the realism of the experience we are trying to create here.”

With that, Wyatt unveiled a giant plain whiteboard (team operating costs have to remain on a sensible budget. Gold whiteboards, that just isn’t sensible.) with several new league rules on them. Highlights of the rules include:

– Any GM of an Islanders team must draft and then immediately trade, a star player from the same position at least once every 2 years. They must also then trade and sign an enigmatic Russian player to a cap max salary

– Any GM of a Flames team must put all his teams contracts into a hat, and then pick out 12 numbers. These contracts are now No Movement Clause contracts.

– Any GM of a Canucks team must partake in a “Plan the Parade” mini-game after game 2 of any Finals they reach. There is no way to win the mini game.

– Any GM of a Leafs team must trade any goalie that is above 80 OV on their team. Even if they draft a goalie and he ends up higher than 80 OV, he must be traded.

– Any GM of a Ducks team must create, and wear, the most hideous third jersey they can come up with for 15 games out of the season.

– Any Oilers GM finishing above dead last in the league will be fired at the end of the season.

– Any Blue Jackets GM must use goalies with the smallest pads possible. Failure to do so will result in termination.

– Any Rangers GM will have to refer to “the guarantee” every week on twitter, as well as talk about nothing but how amazing Mark Messier. They will be promptly beaten at the end of every week.

– Any Penguins GM will be allowed the first overall draft pick if their team is in financial trouble

– Any Capitals GM will be allowed to trade for Anson Carter, regardless of his retirement status

– Any Lightning GM will be given the unlockable “Saw 19: Sawed off and Sawing” goalie masks for their team to use in games.

– Any Wild GM will have to get “Parise and Suter 4 ever” tattooed on their body somewhere, even if those two don’t end up on their team.

– Any Panthers GM will have to wear flip flops when playing games online. They must represent Florida fully.

– Any Oilers or Kings GM will have the ability to get Gretzky to call one free agent of their choosing, to get them to sign with them in the off-season

– Any Coyotes GM will be fitted for a”Quebec GM” t-shirt as soon as possible

– Any team that ends up with Cody Hodgson must trade him to League Commish Wyatt if he is in their league


The full list will be available later in the week, but this looks to be an interesting start to the season for LOB NHL.

  1. DiirTOC says:

    flip flops, check

  2. AbsynthMynd says:

    Anson Carter? One question, do profits from his filmaking/music management business count as HRR?

  3. Anonymous says:

    For the Coyotes GM I think you misspelled Seattle.

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